Life is quite literally brimming with opportunities if your eyes are open. It is rare that a day goes by that I am not asked to do something or that some new opportunity to serve does not present itself to me. So how do we decide? Here is the basic principle – It’s either 100% Yes….or it’s a no from me.
Somethings, are not requests. You are employed and so obliged to do them or the law of the land requires you to do them. For everything else, you have a choice.
Maybe you get invited to go on a trip or a day out. You can say yes or you can say no. Maybe you see a special offer, one day only, for a holiday or a product to purchase. Maybe you have an idea for a new project. Or perhaps someone presents to you an opportunity to develop something with them. Maybe someone asks you for help.
The opportunities to serve and the opportunities to grow and develop will be coming at you think and fast if you have the eyes to see them. So how do we decide? It’s either 100% Yes….or it’s a no from me.
Life is often incredibly busy. Most of us move from one stage of life to the next and whilst the demands are different at each point, when you add up the things that you need to do to care fore yourself, your family and to care for your other basic needs, and then on top add on all the things that you are obliged to do as part of an employment or some other contract and all the things you legally have to do, there isn’t really a lot of capacity left.
So we need to make a choice about what is important. This is not simple. We can always go with the old cliché of ‘family comes first’. This is true and I believe this. No one who articulates this point would say this means that every waking moment must be directly devoted to the family with nothing allowed for anything else. Nor would they say that applying the point of putting your family first is easy to do. I go to work every day and whilst there, I serve the interests of my employer. But I am thankful that the work I do for my employer provides and income that supports my family. So, I serve both my employer and my family in this way. It’s not simple.
Even when you make a choice about what is important, and you are clear on this it doesn’t really make it easier. There will still be far more opportunities coming at you in that one specific area you are limiting yourself to than you would ever have capacity for.
The criteria to choose by – 100% YES! or no
Honestly, I do not think there is a formula for this. It has to be based on your instincts and your loves. When a new opportunity surfaces, you know you cannot do everything. So, operate on the policy of it’s either 100% yes….or it’s a no from me.
If you are unsure on if you can do something (subject to a caveat that is coming up), unsure if you really want to do something, unsure of the value of doing something and it is not something that you HAVE to do, then you are better off saying no. This preserves your capacity for the things you are totally committed to. Check out my post Learning to say no….this is so important for more on this.
But, this isn’t just about what you want
There need not be anything selfish about this – at least not in the way I would ideally approach it. You might be 100% yes on something because you care about someone else and you know that whatever it is will really help them or serve them. You might not be 100% yes because you aren’t really clear that this is in their best interests, or you fear it might have wider implications that cannot easily be predicted. In this case 100% yes, means you are committed to serving someone else’s good.
Being 100% yes, doesn’t really need to mean that have conducted a full feasibility study and are clear this is the good and right way to proceed. Maybe you aren’t crystal clear on how you will fit something in. But, you are so keen on the idea, you are committed to making time however you can.
In short, if you doubt the value of the opportunity, then don’t go for it. Time is too limited. Giving it up unless we are clear that it is for a good purpose is not good. And, you run the risk of then having to say no to something that would be much better.
Let’s address two people before we close.
A word to Mr ALWAYS 100% YES!!!!
I do know of people who seem to have no instinctive filter on their response to new opportunities and requests. If something is helpful or sounds valuable, they will always be 100% yes. So, you very quickly become over committed, far beyond your capacity.
If this is you, my advice is take some time. Sleep on it if you can, if not then 5 minutes, 10 minutes, an hour. You must take whatever time is needed to get away from that initial pull on your heart strings and that initial explosion of enthusiasm. Let that all die down. And then ask again – it’s either 100% yes….or it’s a no from me.
You might find this article from Carl Pullein helpful as well
In short, don’t be too hasty in committing to 100% yes
A word to Mr NEVER-sure
Mr NEVER-sure is basically me. My brain is incredibly good at finding obstacles, difficulties and the like. It is also very good at dredging up doubts and uncertainty. In short, when I sleep on something or give myself time to think it over, I can easily convince myself that I am not sure so I’d better say no. To myself, and Mr NEVER-sure, I say the opposite. Try and re-capture your initial instinctive response – was it 100% yes, or was it no? Sometimes this might only have existed for a split second but you know it will have been there. My advice is to have confidence in this.
I’m not advising recklessness in decision making. I am saying that if you can capture that initial gut reaction to something, then you can harness what your brain then does, throwing up all the obstacles, difficulties and doubts, to effectively consider how to effect that initial 100% yes. You may find as you do this, that in all good conscience, you have to say no.
But, my advice, in short, do not be too hasty to commit to your ‘no’.
So when considering a new opportunity, often a helpful framework can be “It’s either 100% Yes….or it’s a no from me”
